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The $2 Bill Saga

I first started practicing law decades ago, I started a little program that had some marketing overtones. I had my secretary keep a list of children of my clients, their names, addresses and ages.

On December 1 or so, I’d go to the bank and secure a pile of $2 bills and Yuletide envelopes. I’d start at the top of the list and send 3 $2 bills in Merry Christmas envelopes to each child. I’d address a male child as “Master John Doe” and females as “Miss Jane Doe.” And of course I’d sign it with a Yuletide greeting.

Feedback was highly encouraging and I deemed the little program a huge success. The list kept growing and it soon became quite expensive, but I considered it a good investment in securing clients for my practice and referrals.

One day, I went to the courthouse and saw a young man I knew waiting to enter the courtroom. I spoke to him and received back the meanest look I’d seen in a long while. I asked him, “Is there anything that I can do for you, Bill?” He sneered a reply: “No! Not from you!” I was eat up with curiosity. “Bill, why are you here?” He glared at me: “I’m getting a divorce!” I decided to follow up.

“Bill, you seem so angry at me. Have I done something to offend you? If so, I’ll apologize. ”He paused a minute and then said between clinched teeth: “I didn’t get any $2 bills from you on Christmas!” I rushed back to my office and asked my secretary to pull the Christmas list. There was Bill’s name with a note beside it: “Delete.”

I asked my secretary: “Teresa, why did you delete Bill’s name from the list?” She replied with a grin, “Because he turned 18 last November. ”The Yuletide program continued with a termination date at the top of the list.
-james a clark